The Bearded Man
by BigEvilRedDevil
Summary: The beared man... spy or a new zoo visitor? The penguins are desperate to find out.
1. Chapter 1

"Just smile and wave boys. Smile and wave." Skipper said as the crowd started to die down. "Well, I would have to say one of our finer preformances." Kowalski stated, "No one was injured-" "Thankfully." Private butted in. "Crowd was pleased," Kowalski continued, "and we actually got to try that new technique you wanted us to do." "I think it went well, too!" Private said cheerfully, "What do you think, Skippah?" There was no answer from Skipper, instead, he was staring blankly at the direction of the popcorn stand. "Skippah?" Private asked and he, Kowalksi, and Rico crowded around him.

"Yoo-hoo!" Rico said while a waving a wing in front of Skipper's face to get him out of his dazed trance. "What's wrong, sir? A nearby threat?" Kowalski asked. "Skippah, say something..." Private pleaded. "Kowalski...analysis..." Skipper said in a dull tone. "Uh, Skipper, you seem to be in a state of shock and awe, maybe confusion too. Perhaps-" "No, not me!" Skipper snapped me, "I mean that guy!" Kowalksi looked at the direction Skipper was poiting at. "Uh, that's the popcorn vendor, Skipper." He said. "Yeah..." Skipper said sarcastically, "but who's the other guy?" Private decsided to answer this question. "But Skipper, that's Alice, she's no guy." Skipper's eyes widen, "What?" he asked and turned around to see Alice standing in front of the other guy, blocking his existence from the others.

"Oh, for the love-!" Skipper cried out, "Why is it everytime I try to point something out, something or someone has to get-" "Um, that guy?" Rico asked while pointing at the area. Skipper turned around and saw that Alice was no longer standing in front of the man, making him visable again. "Yes! Thank you, Rico!" Skipper said. "You see, boys? When you have hawk eyes, like RIco and myself, you'll be able to spot danger miles away!"

"But, Skipper, he doesn't look very dangerous..." Private said. "Oh, he is, Private." Skipper said. "How so?" Private questioned. "Well, I don't know, really..." Skipper admitted, "but that's why we'll need a DNA sample. And when I say DNA, I mean blood." "Ooh!" Rico exclaimed out and regurgitated a chainsaw. "No..." Skipper firmly said, "we just need a little bit." Private started to feel a little sick, "How much is a little, Skippah?" He asked. "We just need a pin prick amount, Private." Skipper said. "D'awww!" Rico groaned out in disappointment and tossed the chainsaw onto the ground and crossed his wings in anger. "So, Rico's just gunna sneak up to this guy, get a little b-blood, and that's it?" Private asked. "Who said Rico is going to do it?" Skipper said slyly. Private gulped and looked at Kowalski, who was grinning ear to ear. Then, he looked at Rico, who was smiling devilishly at him, then regurgitated out a safety pin and gave it to him.

"Go to it, Private." Skipper said. Private hesitated for a bit, but he could tell Skipper didn't want to waste any thime with this. So, Private quickly hoped over the fence. "Stay hidden." He heard Skipper say. "Ok, ok, I can do this." Private whispered to himself, then he quickly slide to the position of the bearded man was standing, talking to the popcorn vendor. He was tall, but not as tall as the other humans he's seen. So, he was probably on the shorter side of the humans.

Luckily, there was a trashcan near the man, so Private could stand on it and be able to prick him on one of his fingers. Once Private got on top of the trashcan, he looked at his squad mates and he saw Skipper and Kowalski giving him the 'You're ok' sign. He also saw Rico give a 'Stab him!' motion, but stopped when Skipper smacked him on his shoulder area and said something to him that Private could not hear, he focused on the man again.

Ok, let's do this... we can do it." Private sais to himself with a deep breath. He closed his eyes and panicky jammed the pin into the bearded man's ring finger. "Oh my lord!" The man shouted out. Private quickly pulled out the safety pin and hastily ran back to the penguin habitat. "Hey, you ok?" The popcorn vendor asked him. "Yeah," the bearded man answered, "probably just pinched myself on the trashcan or something. Anyways, nice talking to you, but I've gotta finish writing down the setlist." "Yeah, ok." Said the popcorn vendor and the bearded man walked to the bench, sat down, and began to write in the notebook.

"Private..." Skipper said right when Private jumped back on the island, "did your mother ever tell you not to run with scissors?" "Yes." Private answered breathlessly. "Well, the same rule applies with safety pins!" Skipper said. "Also, you just could've poked him with it, not jab it into him. That's something Rico would've done." Kowalski said and took the pin from Private. "Right." Skipper said, "Kowalski, you and Private fire up that ID do-thingy. Rico and I will keep an eye on him in case he tries something funny... report when everything's set up."


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Clutch or Neil Fallon, these two things are actually real. The next chapter is going to have more action type stuff, more comedy too. Oh yeah, the whole "The beard has powers" thing, that's kind of an inside joke between my sister. Hope y'all like this chapter, next should be coming soon.

"I see you writing, bearded boy..." Skipper said as he watched the bearded man through the binoculars that Rico spewed out for him. "My question is, what are you writing?" "Skipper," Kowalski said as he poked his head out of the fishbowl enterance, "the identifier is ready." "Good." Skipper said, not taking his eyes off the bearded man. "So, yeah, it's ready and everything." Kowalski said and his head disappeared back into the HQ. Skipper stood at the edge of the island watching the bearded man write in his notebook. He stopped writing to pick at his beard every and then. He would also look up from his notebook and stare into space, it seemed like he was deep in thought.

"Plotting..." Skipper said, or at least, that's what Rico though he heard Skipper say. "Come on, Rico," he said while handing the binoculars back to him, "let's see what Kowalski found about this guy." then, they jumped into the HQ. "Ok, Kowalski, whaddya find?" Skipper asked. "Alright, this is what I found." Kowalski said as he pointed to a whiteboard with several notes written on it. "His name is Neil Fallon. Age: 39, Weight: could be around 160 pounds. Height: he's either 5'6" or 5'8" it's kinda hard to tell, but he's pretty short-" "Kowalski." Skipper tried to say, but he didn't him and continued to speak. "He's in the vocalist and occasional guitar player for the band, Clutch, which they have been around for about 20 years-" "Kowalski, I don't think you-" Skipper said, trying to tell him that he didn't care his height or anything like that. "I printed some pictures of this guy for you, Skippah.' Private said, cutting Skipper off. "Just in case you want him in the folder.

Skipper took the pictures and looked at them, Rico leaned in to look at them too. Skipper could hear Kowalski explaining his thoughts of how this person isn't a threat in the background. "Kowalski, shut it for a few seconds, Ok?" Skipper said and went back to the pictures. The pictures had the bearded man standing on a stage with a microphone to his mouth, another one had him standing in the middle of the stage with a guitar, the other was had him and the other three from the 'band' standing in front a gate, seemed like a promo picture, but Skipper didn't believe that this was just some band, he believed that this was some sort of mind control group.

Skipper stared at the last picture longer than the others. This picture, the bearded man looked younger, maybe early thirties, but that's not Skipper was focused on. The bearded man in that picture didn't have the beard. "Kowalski," he said, not taking his eyes off the photograph. "Come here and take a look at this." Kowalski did what he was told to do. "What is it, sir?" he asked and took a quick glance at the photo. "What's missing?" Skipper asked, still looking at the photo. "Well, he clearly shaved in this photo..." Kowalski said and rolled his eyes. "Exactly!" Skipper said and handed the pictures back to Private. "Private, put those in the folder for me." Kowalski looked at Rico to see if he had any idea what Skipper was going at, Rico responded by shrugging his shoulders and mumbled "I dunno."

"Uh, Skipper?" Kowalski asked. "No beard equals no power..." Skipper muttered to himself. "Power?" Rico croaked out. "What do you mean by 'power',Skippah?" Private asked, confused like the others. "The beard helps him control the minds of the people, right? Skipper asked, more like, stated himself. The three penguins look at each other to see if they had to saything to say about what Skipper was going on about. "Um... what?" Rico asked Skipper. "The beard. It gives out some sort mind control signal to the humans. Am I right?" Skipper asked with irritation starting to fill in his voice. "Um, Skipper, I don't think that's, uh, possible." Kowalski said, trying to control the tone of his voice just in case he set Skipper off. "Are you questioning your commanding officer, Kowalski?" Skipper asked.

"Well, not... you see, Skipper..." Kowalski stuttered, he should've knew Skipper was going to bark out something like that. "Well, guess what, Kowalski?" Skipper said, "You are." Skipper said and Kowalski let out a breath. "Skipper, I don't think a beard can be able to have a power like mind control, or any other power. It's just hair." Skipper smirked a little. "That's what you say..." Kowalski just shook his head in disbelief, he knew if he tried to put some sense into this, Skipper would just argue with him even more.

"Rico," Skipper said, "keep an eye on our bearded bud. Make sure he doesn't do anything funny. Also, if he moves from that bench, you report back to me ASAP. Got it?" With an understanding grunt, Rico saluted Skipper and made his way to the top of the island. "Kowalski, find more infomation about this guy." "Unbelievable..." Kowalski daid under his breath and made his way to his lab. "Private, whip us up a batch of your peanut butter winky smoothie." "Aye aye, Skippah!" Private said.  



	3. Chapter 3

.com/watch?v=2eepsCXpLY4 - The video that Kowalski showed Private and Rico.(I have no part in this video at all) I wish I could've got into more detail with this chapter. oh, well maybe the next one will have more detail put into in. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it :D feel free to review or give tips or anything like that. Thanks!

"Rico?" Private said as he climbed up to the island, "I brought you something to drink." Rico turned away from the bearded man and grabbed the drink, smiling politely at him. "So, has this bearded guy do anything bad in anyway?" Private asked him. "Nada..." Rico answered. By the tone of his voice, Private could tell that he was bored to death just standing out here by himself, watching a person, who looked completely harmless. The only thing that made him 'funny' in Skipper's eyes, was the beard. "Rico, do you believe the beard has 'magical powers' at all?" Private asked.

"Nope." Rico grunted. "Then, why are you going along with this, like you actually think that it does?" Private asked, and Rico shrugged and turned his attention back to the bearded man. "Rico, Private, fall in!" they heard call out from inside the habitat. "Coming, Skippah!" Private said, and so they did. Once inside, they saw there leader pacing around the room nerously. "What is it?" Private asked. "Kowalski, show them." Skipper said while he paced around the room still. With an annoyed groan, Kowalski motioned him and Rico to the table where a laptop was sitting at.

"Where did you get a laptop, Kowalski?" Private asked and looked up at Rico to see if had anything to do with it, he shooked his head. "Classified, Private." Kowalski said. "Oh, ok." Private said, "so, what you going to show us?" Kowalski sighed heavily, "I found this video, made the mistake of showing Skipper it." he said and played the video for them. "Play close attention." they heard Skipper say.

The video showed a church with a sign next to stating 'Thy enemy is at the gate' with muffled music playing the background. The camera cuts inside the church and shows the band playing on a small stage. "Kowalski, just show them that one part." Skipper said. "Yes, sir..." Kowalski said dully and skipped to the middle of the video. This time, the video shows the bearded man standing by himself, then cuts back to the band, then cuts to him only again. But this time, his beard started to smoke. Seconds later, his beard was in flames. Right when the music started up again, the flames shot out of the beard.

"Pause it, Kowalski." Skipper said. Private didn't really see why Skipper would be making such a big deal out of it. Anyone could tell that the flames were animated. This beard thing was starting to get out of hand. "Men, we have a problem. That beard is clearly indestructible." Skipper said. "Skipper, sir... the beard isn't indestructible. It's obviously an effect for the video." Kowalski said with a sigh. Skipper looked at the paused screenshot of the bearded man, then looked at Kowalski. "Maybe so." Skipper said, not wanting to admit that he could be wrong. "Rico, keep an eye on him, just to be safe." He said.

With an annoyed grunt, Rico headed back to the ladder. He stopped when he heard a familiar call for them. Seconds later, Marlene hopped in. "Did you hear?" She excitedly asked them. The penguins looked at her with blank expressions. "You guys didn't hear?" She asked. "Wow, and I thought you'd be the first ones to know... anyways, there's going to be a band preforming right outside the enterance tomorrow night! I say we should totally go and party and stuff like that." None of the penguins looked excited. Private looked like he was worried or nervous of something, he was even shaking a little too. Kowalski, he just rubbed his temple area, in what looked like frustration. Rico, the one who she thought would be the most excited about this, had an 'Uh-oh' expression on his face.

And Skipper, he had this look that could be pulled off as anger and suspicious. It was kind of hard to tell for her. "What band?" Skipper asked in a dark tone. "I'm not sure, but it starts with a 'C', I think." Marlene said, Skipper had feeling he knew what band it was. "Clutch?" Skipper asked, like it was a statement. Marlene nodded her head. "Sweet beard hair!" Skipper cried out, "We're next! Rico, let's go! We're going to put an end this madness." The two penguins raced to the ladder and disappered when they got to the top. "Um, guys? What's going on here?" Marlene asked Private and Kowalski, who were giving each other the'You've gotta be kidding me' look.

"Well, you see, Skipper saw this guy with a beard in the crowd when we finished our act for the crowd-" Kowalski tried to explain, but stopped when he saw Rico and Skipper come back in. "He's gone!" Skipper exclaimed, "Kowalski, check the cameras." "Skipper..." Kowalski said. "Now!" Skipper shouted, cutting Kowalski off. "Um, guys? I'm kinda lost, here." Marlene said. "I've got him, sir." Kowalski said. Skipper walked up to him to watch the bearded man, who was outside the main gate talking to someone who looked like the bass player of the band.

"Yup." The bearded man said, "we're staying at the Hudson Hotel, room 112" A sly smile appreared on Skipper's face. "I know where that is." He said to himself. "seriously guys, what's going on?" Marlene asked. "Nothing that you need to worry about, Marlene." Skipper said. "Really?" Marlene said and crossed her arms. "Yeah, really." Skipper said, "It's nothing at all. Private, Kowalski, escort Marlene back to her place." When Private, Kowalski, and Marlene left, Skipper turned to Rico with a sinister grin on his face. "Tonight, we make our move." 


	4. Chapter 4

"Up and at 'em, men!" Skipper shouted out into a mega phone, which startled team, causing them to fall off their beds and land the floor. "Topside, now! Go, go, go!" Skipper barked out then, disappeared up the ladder. "Coming Skipper..." Kowalski mumbled and slowly rose to his feet, he staggered around for a little bit, almost falling back to the ground at times until finally he regained his balance by grasping one of the bars of the ladder. Kowalski realizing were he was at, looked at Private and Rico, who were also staggering around, almost bumping into each other. "Men!" Skipper's voice shouted out from up top. "Coming..." Kowalski mumbled and he and the others slowly climbed up.

"About time." Skipper said in annoyed tone, made it sound like he was standing out there for hours. "I'm going to make this very, very brief... missing child." Kowalski, Private, and Rico didn't react at all like Skipper thought they would. Instead, they just stood there, looking like the living dead. Heads lowered and slightly tilted to the left, eyes glazed over, drool dripping from their mouths... "You boys hear that? Skipper asked. "Uh-huh..." the three mumbled. "Right... anyway, we're going to split into two groups to find this child, who is probably cold, hungry, scared, or could be... something that we're not allowing to happen!" Private snapped from his dazed self, "Wait, a missing child?

"That's right, Private." Skipper said, "We're going to split into two groups. Kowalski, you're with Private. Rico, you're with me." Kowalski was kind of suspicious of this 'missing' child. Mainly because of Skipper's tone of voice. It didn't sound like he really cared. Instead, it sounded like he wrote a script of what he was going to tell them, and he was trying his best to remember it word for word. Also how he teamed himself with Rico. The two who believe that this bearded man might be dangerous. This 'missing child' could be one big set-up. "Wait a minute, Skipper..." Kowalski said, "What's going on? What are you trying to pull?"

Skipper rubbed his eyes and facial area. He was probably tired too, no clue what time he was up. "Kowalski, this has nothing to do with our friend. I'm fully convinced that he is no problem to us, or to the world." Kowalski didn't buy it. "Now, let's split into our groups and find this kid. Move, now!" Skiper and Rico dashed away, Private was about to head off, but Kowalski tugged at his shoulder. "Hang on, Private." He said, "I know Skipper has something up his sleeve. Let's go to that hotel and make sure they don't do anything to him." Private nodded his head in agreement, "I'm with you." Right away, they headed to the hotel where the bearded man was staying at.

What they didn't know was that Skipper and Rico where listening to them in a nearby tree. "They're on to us, Rico." Skipper said with a smirk, "That's alright. We'll always be one step ahead..."  
Private and Kowalski quickly slid to the hotel They hid behind some bushes that were in front of the door. Also, to make sure they weren't seen by Skipper or any humans. "How are we getting in?" Private asked. Kowalski took a peak, there was an air vent near the door. "We can climb up that ventilation shaft to get to his room." Kowalski said. Private thought about it. He knew that it's probably the easiest way to get in without being seen, even though, they'll be exausted after all the climbing and crawling... Private nodded his head and followed Kowalski.

Lucky for them, once they got a deadend, they were above the bearded man's room and could see everything in there. They saw the bearded man sitting in a chair, writing in his notebook. Probably his favorite thing to do. "You see them anywhere?" Kowalski asked. Private carefully scanned the room, checking every corner with his eyes. He kept eyeing the bearded man to see if Skipper or Rico would sneak up behind him or to see if they would randomly pop out of his beard.

"I don't see them." Kowalski whispered out. "I don't see them e- wait! He's getting up and heading to the door." There was no sound for a few seconds, no sight of the bearded man. "Listen for striking sounds." Kowalski said. Again, silence. "He left his notebook on the table." Private said. "Forget it, Private. This guy isn't planning to take over the world like Skipper wants us to believe. He's just a normal average guy with a widows peak hair style and a bushy black beard." The bearded man came back in. No cuts, bruises, or any other kind of marks on him. He picked up his notebook and sat back in the chair and continued writing.

"I don't think Skippah is focusing on him right now, Kowalski. I think him and Rico are actually looking for this child." Kowalski thought about it, "You could be right. Skipper would've probably dealt with him before we got here. But, I'm still not convinced with Skipper saying that he's done with him. Better keep an eye on Skipper just to be safe." They quickly climbed down vent and headed back. "We're back-" Private said, then realized that he wasn't there. "Check inside." Kowalski told him, then climed down the ladder with Private. Inside, there was no one also. "Let's head back up." Kowalski said, then Skipper and Rico jumped in right in front of Kowalski.

"Hello boys."Skipper said, "How'd the search go? Any luck?" Private's eyes nervously darted at kowalski, who seemed that he was deep in thought. "Not yet..." Private spoke up, Skipper gave him a nasty look. "But we just got done with our break, and we're heading back out right now! C'mon Kowalski!" Private said, and dashed up the ladder, leaving Rico and Skipper alone. "Operation: Black Beard is a go..."


End file.
